(Taylor + American Girl) * (Ibiza / Beer) = Highlarious email

Sexy,hearing your voice is not good for me, I hate feeling vulnerable, wanting you, you know?

Are you ready for candor? The truth is that you are haunting me and I hate it. I'm in yoga last night, in some crazy twisted up balancing asana and the stupid teacher plays Sade- SADE? How do you play some of the sexiest music recorded and expect for people to concentrate on breathing and drishnes and letting go? When all I can think about is what it would be like to have one more moment with you alone, just to close my eyes and have one more moment. Then maybe I could let you go.

So, now I'm going to paint (walls, renovating a house). And I'm getting ready and dancing around with the vaccuum cleaner and I get this stupid image of you dancing, with a beer in each hand, the way your whole body, like shook in this really cute hyperactive way (I bet you were a teacher's nightmare in school) and so I decided to call you.

I'm sorry. I should not have done that.For one, I gave you my phone number. Big mistake. Got your text and it made me smile. Couple of things. One, I know that international texting/phone calling is ridiculously expensive and I can't afford it.

Second, just a bad idea.How are things going with my partner, you mean my fiancee? The one who I agreed to marry-and want to-but it appears that clearly I have issues with committment and fidelity, as I continue to think of you. I just wish I could be normal, you know, a stupid American girl who is dying to get married, blah blah blah, but that's not me. The truth is, I love my fiancee very much.

So I need to stop thinking of you and writing you.

And stop thinking about which recipes you would like. So here it is.

I have no idea why we met and I like you, but it would probably be best if you carried on with your life and I with mine and maybe in our next lifetime we will meet and get to share another beautiful night.But I've made reckless decisions in my life and I don't want you to be another one of them. So forgive me if I send you mixed messages. I swear I'm not playing games. Do me a favor, and don't return my call tonight. Stop emailing me. I told you, your emails are like truffles in a Parisian chocalatiers window- and I can't deal with the temptation of you. Okay? It is really for the best. But know that I'll always hold you in a special place in my heart and I do hope to meet you in a dream or maybe down the road, but for now...I'm engaged and need to be loyal and true and honest, and clearly I have not been.

That is my fault, not yours. So do me a favor and help me do the right thing.Phew. Anyway, yes, I'm sure your photographic work was gorgeous. When you told me you were doing a shoot for a software catalogue or IT company, I immediately thought of that ridiculolus scene from something about Mary when Chris Wallace tells Ben Stiller that he cannot go out on a date with a "loaded gun". Remember? He takes the department store lingerie newspaper ad into the bathroom and, um, unloads his gun. Anyway, I had a good laugh thinking about the IT women doing that with your ad.

See how twisted I am? Run from me. Run far away.But seriously, yesterday I saw a real film that changed my life. And as an actor I want you to see this. I know you have not taken ANY of my movie suggestions, but this one truly will move you. Profoundly. Its on DVD, give yourself 2 hours, really. Its called the Sea Inside and it won an Oscar in 2004 for best foreign film. It is incredible and will really get you thinking about the meaning of life, and death, and love, and freedom. And as an actor, it truly is a study because the dramatic performances are stunning. So see it.And please, I mean it. Let's not talk tonight. Okay? I'm going to paint. Hopefully the primer will erase all memories of you. Okay. Sorry for the seriousness of this email. Go home to your girlfriend and make passionate love and forget all about me. If not for your sake, for mine. Okay?

Laura